Growing up, it was all about blending in with english kids. Trying to do everything like them so I would be accepted. Straightening my hair, english packed lunches, dressing differently. All so kids wouldn’t comment on the fact that I was different.
I’m very proud of my culture and heritage and very thankful that I speak two languages and can call two countries home. But at the same time, I cannot call either of them home. The struggle is that in England, my home, I’m sometimes made to feel like an outside because of the fact that I’m not english even though I’ve lived here all my life. I often wonder what it would be like to be white and to grow up in this environment. However when I go to my country of origin I feel like even more of a foreigner. With my english accent and foreign ways of thinking people treat me extremely differently. Often because of my accent people think I’m stupid and don’t understand much which is why they feel its appropriate to talk shit in front of me. That is not the case and trust me I’m aware of all the things you say about me. It’s difficult growing up like this but like I said I wouldn’t have it any other way because I can empathise with two cultures and see the differences and similarities in both. I feel like my perspective of the world may be just a slight bit wider than some others and that makes it all worth it.
I’m starting to get in touch with people who are in the same situation as me. I think it would be great if I could make friends with people who come from the same places as me and we can create a home within ourselves. Sometimes it’s really nice to talk to someone who can relate to your struggles.